Tribute to My Dad

Well, Father's Day is fast approaching and I must say, the thoughts of it makes me wanna high-tail it somewhere I've never before been. Somewhere where thoughts of Dad aren't surrounding me.

I definitely don't want to spend the day in Fortune Harbour, where he's EVERYWHERE. He's there everytime I see the woodstove, and I remember how he worked so hard to keep us warm. The chovies he made are still hanging on a nail. He's there when I see the wharf, where he brought me to fish when I was young. He's everywere there. Picking raspberries for jam as soon as we've landed. He's cutting the grass with a kitchen knife so we wouldn't have to walk through the grass and be "scared". He's at the well, bailing it out, even in the outhouse that he built and was so pleased with. I remember being so terrified of the outhouse as a child. He would always let me use the "pee pot" and dump it later.

Oh my, just typing these things reminds me of the amazing man he was. Unfortunately, it also reminds me of how I could never measure up. That I, having my own children, am failed miserably at walking in his footsteps. I'm so busy with life, I never take the time out with my own children that Dad took out for us. And I'm sure if he was here right now, he'd probably tell me I'm expecting too much from myself, that he really didn't do that much, and that I should not be so hard on myself. I'm only human after all.

That's the thing about Dad. He was kind, compassionate, caring, sensitive, hard working, but always had time to make us happy. Even when he was working as fast as he could so he could get home and put lunch on for us, he would never complain if my feet were cold and he rubbed them in his hair to warm them up!

Sounds amazing. I know. But you know, he never felt that he was doing something special. He didn't feel he needed to be commended or rewarded. He did all these things because something inside him told him he wanted to! No matter what we did, or how we behaved, he just gave and gave and never wanted anything in return. I've never heard him say, be good for Dad now.

I'm sitting here trying to recal a time that I did something amazing like that for my children. I mean I love them and provide for them and I'm the best mother that I can be. I take time to "cuddle" with them, and they know I love them. But have I ever really given so much of myself, and not expected them to be perfect? Seems to me, I need to mellow out. What message am I sending to my children when I do something and say to them, ok, I'll do this, but you have to be good when we go to.....well..wherever!

Anyway, getting off topic. This Father's Day, I'd like to celebrate. Not as I always did, for that's impossible. And I know he wouldn't want me "snotting and balling!". It will be a chore for sure!

This world has become less bright now that he's gone. Almost a year has passed. I can hardly believe that. Maybe because I've been away for the past 9 months. It just seems that everything is difficult now. Sure, there's people to call on to help you. But it's not the same.."Dad? Where's the nail clippers?" "Dad, can you glue my shoes?" "Dad, can you give me a ride home?"

Now, don't misunderstand. I miss him for more than what he did for me. I miss the talks we had. And as hard as it was to lay in bed with him and watch him pine away, some of the best talks I had with Dad were in his bed. We talked about heaven, and life, and marriage, and children, (he told me the most important thing to teach them is that Jesus is the answer for everything)...boy he's so right! I miss the times I played guitar and sang for him. My biggest fan. When I played for him, I thought I was the greatest singer/guitarist in the world. He LOVED the music. If it weren't for him asking so much, I'd never have learned the guitar. And I'd probably never have practiced if I didn't have him to play songs for! :)

He loved music so much, and he taught us all to love it too! God love him, he could remember the lyrics to a song like nobody else. Even though when he sang them, like everything else he did, he had to do it in a hurry. :) Nothing but dying could slow him down. Make a batch of bread? 3 minutes or less! How about mowing the grass?? No sweat. How about being in too much of a hurry to move the ladder when painting the eves! No time, he'd just jump the ladder over. Got time to shovel off the roof of the social centre, but no time to climb down. Just jump off into the snowpile!! And eat? Shark!!...he'd be finished and up washing the dishes before all of us were sat down to eat!

One thing that I will always miss is seeing him in Church, sitting in his favorite seat, watching and listening to me sing, with the eyes closed listening, and nodding his approval. He made me love what I did. I'm sure I'll go back to singing in church again once I settle back here in Corner Brook. And though I love the service I provide, and I am proud that the talent God gave me is being used for Him, I can't help but feel it will never be the same. I know he's in heaven, still proud of me, even though I haven't been consistent with going to Mass. But he totally understands, and loves me no matter what. Is that true of anyone else in the world? I really don't think so.

This post could go on for days. There were so many millions of things about Dad that were cute and quirky. But the fact of the matter is. He was the best Dad a girl could have. He taught me and lead me down this path of life with a gentle word and a tight hug.

I wish I was just like him.

Just like the tatoo of the dandelions and forget me nots, he'll forever be imprinted into the minds of those who love him. Those whose lives he touched in many ways.

One song that he asked me to learn, because he loved it so much is Josh Grobin's "You Raise Me Up".

Dad, that song may have touched you, as you related it to God, and I know that you felt like it was talking to your heart. God raised you up! And through Him you could do anything. But that song was special to me for another reason. I always sang that song "to" you, not for you. You are the one who lifted my spirits when I was down. I always was amazed at your ability to make things seem better and brighter. You helped me see the good in things. You raised me up with love and compassion. And I'll always admire, respect and love you. Nothing will ever change that. I'll see you soon Dad!
xo